joyiseki's Blog

…..how the little things matter most in life.


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Experience is NOT the Best teacher

The Dictionary describes Experience as a particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something. This is quite very simple and explains itself. But I’ll for the greater purpose of clarity, plainly describe experience as what we go through daily or maybe sometimes in some specific areas of our lives.

Most of us if not all of us, would have heard the very popular and often quoted saying that, experience is the best teacher. But frankly speaking, does this hold true? Daily, in our everyday lives, we see people who more than once, make same mistakes in same area of their lives and this has often left me wondering about so many things as regard that popular cliché.

Personally, I have gone through stuffs that experience didn’t prove to teach me about the way I would have thought it will. I reckoned then that I should be better the next time in making my decision since I had been through similar case. It turned out not to be true. In fact, although surprising to me then, I made more mistakes the second time! Until I learnt the hard way that, it is not what happens to us that makes us better learners, but rather a correct evaluation of it that prevents us from making similar error the next time. Simply put, what you go through is not enough to make you a master of that subject otherwise there would have been no fools in our World. And we could all just be better by hearing from other peoples’ stories. After all, experience is experience since we could almost relate with the events people had been through when they narrate their stories.

But unfortunately, this is not the case. Unless we deliberately analyse and therefore evaluate either our own personal experiences or other people’s own, we can’t learn anything from it. One example is what happens in families where a son watched and experienced daily, how his father beat and maltreated his mom. And quite expectedly, such a son might grow up hating his dad for the pains he saw his mom go through and would always stand up for the mom once he’s all grown and can stand his dad. One would expect a man like that to be the best lover for any woman but alas, it’s never so. The probability of that man doing same and even worst to his woman is more than not at all.

Unless the son in this case, takes out the time to correctly evaluate the situation and really ask himself exactly what the experience may have taught him, unless he tries to really see what those moments caused in their family, and what he could do to prevent such re-occurrence from happening in his home, he might end up worst than his dad had been.

For us as a country, it is quite conspicuous even to the layman, how often we have made a mess in certain issues despite the re-occurrence of those similar circumstances. Yet with all the high frequency of the re-occurrence, our leaders, time after time, have made very bad choices and it is the results that we are left to live with today. Now, imagine what would have happened, if these leaders at their different positions had just taken out of their time to go through the history of these issues and rightly evaluated them? We’d not be where we are today; Of that I’m sure. The same thing applies to our personal lives in all areas.

What I’m saying is the truth that, to gain from experience, you must question the experience itself. You must as a matter of fact, have answers to the questions the experience led you into. Only then can you make decisions that would make the experience your best teacher. So, really it isn’t the experience itself that had taught you what you have come to know by it but what you learnt after you had known it all through the right assessment of the situation.

To make experience a teacher in our lives we should always carry out a diagnostic study of the situation with the benefit of hindsight we had gained by it and use the results based on our insight for accurate lessons learnt that would be beneficial to our foresight; thus preventing us from making similar mistakes in the nearest future especially equipping us with better decision making skills.

I’d rather conclude that contrary to popular opinion, experience is NOT the best teacher but assessing an experience in a diagnostic approach is. Cheers


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first things first (Character)

There are so many things in this world trying to get our attention. So much of what we try to use in determining the outcome of our lives and those of others. I’ve been thinking recently about those things in us that we are born with and those we just come to accept about our lives. I was wondering why some people were born so pretty and others just got a meagre share of such qualities. I was really pondering on how we get to accept families we had no choice for in the first place! And how some have been labelled as having the perfect body figure and others,”just there.”

I thought about how many people get despised just because of their physical looks and so many who get much more acceptance courtesy of their same physical attributes. And in no effort to discard the beholder’s beautiful, I decided to just do this write up on my observation. In the few years of my sojourn on earth,having been exposed to so much of life and its eccentricities here and there,I’ve observed one common thing that we so much put aside. Character.

Having seen the truth that none of us had a choice as per how we looked or which family we come from, we do have a choice to one thing as we grow. We are held responsible for our behaviour. We come to be described over time by how we do what we do. We are distinguished based on this one fact: character. “Beauty is deceitful…”,ever had that phrase? Beauty brought out so many models into limelight. It is True that pretty body packs raised up so “would-have been” lay men. And yes,beauty did raise loud ovation for some of her most endowed contestants. But…….beauty have lacked the ability to keep the ovation louder. As a matter of fact,for so many, when the beauty became most visible, and as they made more money and fame, it also showcased how frail it is.

I’m not in anyway,condemning being physically attractive. No. I couldn’t do that because I’m a very beautiful woman too!

I’m here to describe one thing we always put away from us. We would rather spend so much of us in trying to look good but the lost essential part of which abides even long after our demise, is left unattended. Our character so much matters that it defines who we are in the long run. We are most often described by this than the beauty we command. For one, if we can get this right we would realise that beauty itself is only a gift. Your nose, colour, height and all other physical attributes that you can boast of, are a constant that you were born with by virtue of your genetic modification and traits. This truth changed my life forever and helped me never to name anyone or anything, “ugly.” Those whom we believe to be “not-so-beautiful”, were created that way and if we will look closely enough,there’s nothing and I mean absolutely nothing ugly about any created part. Each part are just perfect for their roles and purpose.

We need to take out time out of our busy schedule and decide how we want to be known and what matters most to us. First thing must always take priority. Irrespective of how we finish up the rest, the most important thing must be given more attention. There’s nothing as wonderful as a balance. How great is a physical beauty that is defended with great humility, kindness,compassion, a forgiving and an understanding heart! How great would be her exploits!!!

Our beauty, especially physically, will take us to so many places and positions. However, our way of life, how we treat people, especially, those whom we consider below and can almost gain nothing from, will in the long time, determine our duration of reign and its glory. The point exactly? Build a strong life that is first characterly wise and fruitful. Always take charge over the things you have control over and can be charged for. Never for once think that because of the boom of vanities, that such things as honesty, truth, kindness doesn’t matter. These great qualities are so much wanted in us and expected of us as it had always been and maybe more now. The world is in scarcity of honest men. Be one. The world’s crying out for love. Be the giver. Beneath the arrogance of the world, is a hidden cry for kindness, love and acceptance. Be the one to lead it. You need not go too far. The world starts right where you are; in your home, office,street. Even your heart!

Decide today to be deliberate about your character and never to wave off a bad reputation but to work on it. You know the most beautiful thing about this character thing? Its built with time. Can be corrected. Is noticed and praised and multiplies into the lives of others because everyone’s looking for a good life. The fame you want and all your desires are embedded in this good character traits. One act of kindness, a few moments of your show of love to another, can register you in the mind of one who could help you but you never knew.

Live life consciously and never take your thoughts for granted ‘cos that’s where it all begins.

Enjoy your life friends with a great reputation of one with a good character with the extra of physical beauty!! That’s what life should be about. Cheers.

Joy Iseki


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…do not give up!

I know life can be really tough.
We sometimes face situations that threaten to overwhelm us.

We have seen through continuous trials, walls we thought were really thick broken down after some time. Some people are just like those walls. Yet some others grow tougher even with the tides.

There are times you think that you are a “toughie” and can withstand whatever comes your way. You are not wrong in your self evaluation. Maybe you really are one. After all, you have seen your self come out of many trials successfully.

But just when you thought to celebrate your victory from one struggle, it’s “BANG!” Another one just comes up…

It seems to me that we cannot just have enough troubles in life. Maybe I should call it “challenges”. At least it’s a lot more empowering. But you know what I have noticed about these things, in whatever name we might want to call them, they can bring out the best in us if only we focus on the lessons.

It’s amazing how strong the trees that grow on the rocks can be. They have to push deep down enough to get some water and nutrient while trying to survive in the rocks. That’s how they become so tough.

I read somewhere that trees which grow in dry places, like the deserts and rocky plateaus, have their roots traced down to a source of water and sometimes this could be several kilometers away from their spot. Just imagine!! That’s actually what makes them survive.

Like the trees in the dry places, you should also have a place where you draw water from too. That’s your place of restoration and inner strength where you run to and get bounced back from the dryness. So that instead of drying up, you grow stronger, and tougher and better.

We grow bigger than each challenge we face per time only if we do not give.

Not giving up however doesn’t mean denying the fact and sticking arrogantly to what’s not obviously feasible. It means holding to what you have seen inside that is possible until it becomes your outward reality, regardless!

I encourage you not to give up on whatever might be plaguing you right now. I know you’ve been on it for long and you are contemplating just quitting. Life has almost dealt you a blow and you are feeling your lowest ebb…you can talk to yourself to hold on…maybe just for a little more. You are more than a conqueror in this case.
You are bigger than whatever challenges that may come your way.

Everything will turn out fine in the end. Hold up and hold on.

#dontgiveup

Cheers


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We can make everyday a “GOOD Friday”

What a good day today has been. So much display pictures of the symbolic death of Jesus Christ here and there and the many personal messages of why today’s always called a good friday worldwide. Amazing!

If there’s anything I have observed that we often practice as humans is trying to always think the message is for the other person and therefore doesn’t have to do with me. We like to shift blames and make excuses for ourselves. Today hasn’t been an exemption to that nature. Everyone thinks the other person should exemplify Jesus and not him or her.

But I choose to believe that we have the power to make everyday a good friday.

It is called “Good Friday”, because someone chose to lay down His life for the very people who least deserved it. And even prayed for the forgiveness of His tormentors while they were in the very act. Theologians said it happened on a Friday. Now that’s really good!

We can make today even better if we do likewise. If we can love the undeserving and do not wish our fellow man evil, especially the one whom we think is cruel and thinks deserves to “reap what he has sown!”

Where grace is, you might not necessarily reap what you have sown. Now, i know that could mean blasphemy for some people but that’s actually the simple explanation of GRACE.

So the next time someone does you bad and you just wished for something bad to happen to him so as to prove that “God don catch am” for you, kindly take a moment and ask which God did. Was it the Jesus who asked the father to forgive His killers or the God of the disciple Stephen who begged similarly for his killers?

We can actually make all the days of the rest of our lives a good friday by living by Jesus’ examples, not in words but indeed, to every soul we come across irrespective of their tribes and tongues and regardless of what they have done to us.

It can be difficult especially when the focus is on us but if we just shift it from ourselves, we’ll always make excuse for other peoples’ failure. I found that it’s a lot easier to believe that people act only to the best of their knowledge. If they had known better, they would have done better. Even the killers of Jesus.

Jesus lived the Good Friday throughout His life on Earth. And we can too. I can and I’m willing.

I pledge to the grace of Good Friday.

Cheers.


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Don’t get distracted

Recently, I was in a group conversation. As expected, someone had to lead. And it happened to be this young, very handsome and intelligent dude, who was taking the conversations very deep.

While I was listening, I was also having my own self-talk from what I was getting with what he was sending out to us.
Maybe I was so awed by his wisdom and wanted to get into the young man’s mind. I really can’t say.

As I was trying to mull over the words coming out from the worded gentle man, I got carried away with this piece:

We should never get so distracted about the new events in our lives that we forget how we got to where we are now or lose memory of the players and their key roles.

It is not wise for us to because of the excitement of meeting new friends who we think is befitting for our “new status” and forget those who were there when we were just a “non-status” (please pardon my grammar, you just have to get this message!)

No, We should not because of our new blessings to lose contact with the source until excuses become our only conversation with Him daily.

I found so much distractions everywhere.
As Christians, we’re quick to forget who we are but when the storm comes and the wind blows, we wonder while the building isn’t standing. After all, we are christians, and The Lord said it would stand.
It is because we have gotten distracted and forgot what He said about the foundation.

Everything matters. Truth is, all your experiences have summed up to who you are now. Therefore both the people and the events still count.

Remove the distractions. Get back to your spouse who you used to miss so much during courtship back then that you would always wished the time would fly before your next meeting date.

Appreciate her for sticking with you when you didn’t have this new ride that has become your reason for easy movement and therefore a cause for your not always being home to spend quality time with her.

Don’t get distracted with the job or the new contract. Attend the next Church service.

I think we make more mistakes because we get distracted. Maybe not consciously but we do.

Our life is worth taking the time to brood over sometimes. This attitude keeps us humble and also enable us have a heart of gratitude.

Do not get distracted anymore.
Spend time to think and reflect about your life, always.

Cheers


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…there’s always a reason to be happy!

In a World where alot is happening at the same time,so much of which tries to kill our joy; we have to always find a reason within us to be happy.

So much has changed since the last time we read the headlines.
However, one thing never seem to quite change, the bads news in the stories. Yet there are still some good news never published because the human mind just for some reasons i cant fathom, love to read and dwell on bad news. That’s how most of us live our lives. We magnify the sad events and silence what’s good in and around us.

We need not live that way.

There was a time we thought the good job with some fat salaries would brighten our faces and yeah, we did imagined the presence of the new choice house to bring us more joy into our marriages and maybe the new relationship: yet some how, along the way, the script never played out as written.

So what do we do? With so much uncertainties everywhere and with everything trying to get our attention, one thing alone is necessary. We should as much as we would love to be happy, try to focus our gaze on those reasons that make us smile regardless of how we might be feeling at that moment.

Many of the things that add colours to our lives are just around. But as humans, we readily take the simple things for granted and insist on making life more complicated.

If you will just try now, you will see reasons to make you life worth living no matter how deep the sea you have drown. There is yet hope for the living and yopu are alive since you are reading this now.

you may not likely allow the opportunity be because you have conditioned your mind to one future event(s) that must be before you will be happy and that is the reason so many people are depressed today: unfilfilled hopes that are basically unrealistic.

The focus is for us is to fight from within us especially about our minds, to always make it fixed and move around what beautifies, whatsoever it is that gladdens our heart as long as we do not turn slave to these thing in the long term.

Nothing and absolutely nothing in itself has the capacity to bring to us happiness without our permission; we are more powerful than anything made.
We are the first and the most important determinant of our joy. Let’s not forget that.

Let your Heart not Be Troubled.
There is always a reason to be happy. Find it!
Cheers!


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I Need You!

I need you. That’s why I’m here because I need you to live my life and make it worth living. Oh! I can’t imagine how boring and meaningless my life would be if you didn’t exist. I need you to read even this anyway!!

Sometimes, we often hear people say that they don’t need anybody in their lives, especially when they are angry at somebody or they had just experienced a broken relationship.

Never mind such people. They are only expressing their anger! I’m sure they really don’t mean it. Else they wouldn’t have said it in the first place ‘cos there would be no one to listen since they have need of it.

Have you ever wondered why people relate; reasons why despite the high divorce rates, people still spend millions in ceremonies just to say “I DO”, and still remarry even after many separations? Hmmm.

For the single who has experienced one heartbreak to another and had said she wouldn’t love again, you are not alone. It’s most likely that your next partner once said something similar! What a life we live in!!

We relate because we are humans. We were born to connect. Never forget that. It is the knowledge of this that helps get over a hurt easily and still move on with other people without isolating from them just because of one bad experience.

In essence, no matter what happens in our relationships, we will still have to continue to relate. Maybe with some new people but still we always get more involved. No two people is exactly the same though similarities may abound.

Relationships are very necessary for us as humans to survive here on earth and it’s good that we first of all master the art of communicating well with people.

This is only possible when you realized that I need you just as much as you need me.

Cheers
Joy Iseki
#livingaSuccessfulSingleLife


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…here’s a hope for you.

Everyday is a fresh beginning;

Every morning is the world made new.

Ye who are weary of sorrow and troubles,

Here’s a beautiful hope for you,

A hope for me and a hope for you.

This morning is new with all its freshness;

Let us live in this hope and start afresh,

With new grace and a strength that is renewed.

Good morning!!

Cheers

Joy Iseki